The Sound of Snow Falling

Words cannot describe the beauty of snow. Especially when it is falling in your own backyard!

For those of you who see snow more regularly, you may not understand what the big deal is. Allow me to explain. We live in Arizona where there is not much snow. Some parts of our city get snow occasionally because of the slightly higher elevation, but in our area, we have never gotten snow in the five or six years we have been here. It was so exciting to have it right there! 

Pat looked like he wasn't sure what to do with it.

My reaction to it was a little bit delayed because I had a coaching call scheduled five minutes after we realized it was snowing. For the first half of the call, I gushed to my coach Stephanie while gazing dreamily out my window at the gentle white flakes fluttering down. It was so beautiful!

 Dad came home for lunch and we went on a cactus Crusade to find a saguaro cactus with snow on it. It was a bit more challenging than we thought it would be since it was fading fast. However, one of the criteria for the cactus was that it had to have arms and there are few saguaro cacti with arms in our neighborhood, due to the fact that a cactus generally doesn't grow arms until it is 75 years of age, and then each arm represents approximately 50 years of life. But our cactus couldn't not have arms! Arms are the epitomy of cactus-ness!

Once I got off my coaching call, I was texting all my friends like crazy! I got on Facebook to post about it and my entire newsfeed was all about snow. It made me feel so happy inside to see all of Tucson lighting up the internet with their joy over the white fluffy stuff. Words I used to describe it: *rainbows coming out my mouth* *hyperventillating* and *running around in circles like a dog* All of which, if not true in real life, were definitely happening to the person that inhabits my mind.

The snow this morning lasted about an hour and then it snowed again this afternoon/evening! Gigantic snowflakes! We all rushed outside and mom stuck out her tongue like a little kid! And we were squealing every time bits of it fell down the backs of our necks.

The snow is so beautiful! I couldn't help marveling at the beauty of God's design.

In addition, one wonderful thing about snow is that it makes no sound as it falls. I wrote once (I forget where) of its muffling qualities. Now I really wish I could remember where I wrote it and what I said exactly, but I believe it was something to the effect of muffling the world to sound and our hearts to pain. It's interesting because I've been thinking about sound a lot. It's become a bit of a seasonal theme for me: trying to describe the different sounds I hear everyday, or just being conscious of them. The white noise of my family puttering around the house on Saturday mornings, the crackle and hiss of wind through the grass and how similar it is to the fire that consumes it, the scrape of my skis digging into the snow. The sound of my heart when I cry out to God in my pain. And the sound of the silence. Or the sound of snow falling through the air. It is so gentle for being so icy cold.  It's amazing.

Heartbreak Happens: Valentine's Day

I hesitated to post this, since this is so public. (I know, me and all five of you..) But, I just want to put it out there. I broke up with Christian about a month ago. In fact, it was a month ago, almost to the very day. And now, instead of Valentine's Day, I am celebrating Single's Awareness Day (SAD). All in jest though. I still adore Valentine's day and all the frills, pretty colors, and sweets that come with it. There is something about Valentine's day that just feels like a ray of warmth in the middle of winter. Somewhere between New Years Eve and the thawing of Spring that precedes Easter. And my birthday. :)

I know this is probably a shock for you, especially considering that Christian has been a huge part of my life for almost 3 years. You might be wondering to yourself, "But why?" I'll admit, it was a difficult decision for me to make. I got to a point where I felt like we were going in two different directions. Naturally he disagreed, so I shall say that I am going in a different direction. I have my life planned out. I'm almost 18, graduating highschool this spring, and receiving my college degree soon thereafter. I have dreams and goals of traveling and teaching English abroad, moving around, and experiencing life to the fullest. He's 16, also graduating highschool this spring, but afterward? He doesn't know. Not that being uncertain about your future is a bad thing. I certainly wouldn't expect every highschool graduate to know their plans for the future; and many do not. But I do. And I am going to chase it down to the ends of the earth.

I think this decision was a long time in coming. The idea had niggled at the back of my brain for six months or more. And in many ways, I had already moved on from the relationship before I broke it off. Several of my friends who'd talked to me in the months leading up to it said afterward that they saw it coming, though it was still surprising. Kind of like when Grandpa died. We all knew it would be any time now, he was so ill. But when it actually happened, it was still a shock.

There were a few instances that led up to my decision. Various conversations with my friends. My pastor told me, "Some people dream big dreams and never reach them, but I can tell you're one of those people who dreams big dreams and is gonna go get them. God is going to do big things through you." Then I was reading a book for school called A Northern Light. It's a historical mystery, but it's also the most beautiful story about a girl who lives in 1906 and dreams of going to college to become a writer. (Sound familiar?) But she has all these things stopping her: cultural expectaions and sterotypes, poverty, family obligations, promises, a fiance. And you know what happens in the end? (Spoiler Alert!) She walks away from all of it. She leaves it all behind and goes to college to pursue her dreams. She worked all summer and saved up the money and the final scene shows her boarding the train for New York. That story was so beautiful, I cried. I cried because I felt like a small part of me had given up a dream to be with Christian.

I began to realize that I couldn't let anyone or anything hold me back. I felt tethered in the relationship and un-supported in my endeavors. He didn't "get" me or the things I really cared about, like my art, or my poetry. An example that comes to mind-- I saw a super cute love poem performed at the local poetry slam and I really loved it. I thought it was so cute and it made me think of Christian, so I sent it to him, trying to do something sweet for him. Reaching out in my own way. He watched it and texted me afterward, "I don't get it." Trying to explain it killed the sweetness like explaining a joke kills the funny. Talking about my future plans was met with a lukewarm response. Roadtrips and Africa met with simply, "You're leaving me?" I don't know what I wanted him to say. Maybe an "I'm so happy for you! I know you will love it!" Or is that too selfish of me to ask?

These thoughts nagged my mind. The more I thought about it, the more uneasy I grew. Perhaps it was some of these conversations and realizations that caused me to distance myself more before I ended it. In the midst of a double throat and sinus infection, I was losing sleep at night thinking about it. I would be dreadfully alone without him. There would be a huge hole in my life for a while... But, and I am somewhat ashamed and sad to admit this, there was also the sensation of greatest freedom. My spirit is wild and restless and eager to fly. To soar through the clouds, unfettered by everything. I just think it's unfortunate that such a wonderful feeling should result from the end of a relationship, but such is life, sometimes.

My friends have been so supportive of me during this time. Though some have said things that really weren't the most helpful. Like, "Don't worry, the same thing happened to me when I was 19, and I am happily married to my husband for 10 years and I wouldn't ever go back. You'll find someone." (Someone actually said this to me.) I was a bit irked because at this point, I'm not really concerned about finding someone. I actually believe I would be perfectly happy to be single (an idea I explored back in September) as I declared to my mom, "I will be single forever and adopt African children!"

I don't know what the future holds for me, but I am so very excited about it! Words cannot describe the explosion of excitement I've experienced this week. I just feel filled with a sudden passionate vibrancy and enthusiasm for life. I have often been known for this enthusiasm before, but I feel like it has come back in full force. I feel so excited to live life and whatever God has planned for my future! I was reading in Ecclesiastes recently. It is a very depressing book of the Bible, proclaiming, "Meaningless! Everything in life is meaningless!" (I questioned my decision to read this book more than once in the initial chapters, because it was not very uplifting..) But, as it reached the end, right around chapters 7-9, it starts to shift and the attitude starts to change. In chapter 9, Solomon begins talking about death and how that is the fate of everyone. he says,

"Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun--all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in lif eand in your toilsome labor under the sun. Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the grave, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom."

At first glance, this doesn't seem like it's saying a whole lot, but I found so much encouragement in it because I realized that he's saying that we should be living this life that God gave us to the very fullest because this is all we have.

Breakups are hard. There is no denying that. Even when you are the person who is doing the breaking up. But I really feel like this has rekindled a passion for life and sparked a spiritual revival for me. It's funny how God uses tough situations to draw us closer to Him. It's hard but effective. I can definitely mourn the absence of someone who has been a very important part of my life. But on the same note, I move forward with such a vivid excitement for the future and an eagerness for what God is doing that I know everything's going to be okay.

Adventures with Stew the Stye

So I had an "unnoticeable" zit on my eyelid. The reason why I say "unnoticeable" in quotations like so, is because, to me, it is this blaring red angry thing on my eyelid that apparently no one notices! I told Christian about it and he said, "really? I didn't notice." =O Anyways, I found out this zit thing has a name; it's called a "stye." But I also gave it its own little name. You might even call it a persona!

His name is Stew. Stew the Stye. No, I did not pick the name Stew simply because of the alliteration involved (although that heavily factored in.). But for some reason it reminded me of the dad on Nickelodeon's Rugrats.

I've been trying to get rid of Stew. Needless to say (as getting rid of any normal zit much less a zit with a weird name in an even weirder place.), it has been slow going. Mom kept telling me to use hot compresses to draw the puss out. So I was doing that as best as I could.

We went to the doctor earlier this week (for other reasons; we just had him look at it.) and he decided it needed to be popped with a sterile needle. He was even nice enough to do it for me(!) It hurt SO BADLY!!!! I cannot express to you the pain of it. There are only two things I can say about it.

1. It hurt so bad, my eye was twitching and I was afraid he would accidentally poke my eyeball.

2. It hurt so bad and I was so traumatized by the aforementioned fear that I never want Stew or any of his little cousin friends to come back again.

AND, after he poked it with his needle, we still had to squeeze it and apply pressure to get the puss out! I wrote a mini rap about it. It goes like this:

I'm a stye in your eye,
And I make you wanna cry,
And the pain is insane,
I can't take this anymore,
I gotta get this zit out the door,
Gotta make it go away,
and if the zit could talk, 
I know what it would say,
"I'm a stye in your eye..."

At this point, the rap would fade out into nothingness and the rap would end. And I am aware of the fact that I am a terrible rapper, but what can I say? I'm a Christian white girl and I was having fun with it. (Until I started thinking in "rap mode," that is.)

THEN, this morning, I woke up and Stew was practically gone! It was like magic! Except it wasn't magic because I actually found a trick on the internet! (This is the part where you should be scared.) Here's the trick: you take a bandaid and you put the adhesive part on the pimple and leave it on for a long time. (Yes, I put a bandaid on my eyelid--I kept it on overnight.) When you peel it up, it's supposed to get the puss out or open it up or something- I don't know the science behind it.

So I peeled off the bandaid this morning and it hurt SO much! But it worked! Stew the Stye looks much much smaller!

The crazy things I do... But at least now you know, that it's really true that bandaids make everything better. (An old standby of mine that totally has a new meaning!)

The Rope Swing:

Family Reunion Day 2

Uncle Brian built us a rope swing!

It was very much like a tarzan swing. It made me think of when we were little, Nick and Anthony and I used to sing, "George, George, George of the Jungle, watch out for that tree!" And of course in the movie preview where I think it was from, he crashed into the tree!

Well we also had our own tree to swing into. (Eventually, Uncle Brian moved the rope so we wouldn't hit the tree but it did give us some pretty gnarly scratches.) Sadly, I don't have any pictures of the tree that we swung into..

See? You grab the rope, stand on the ledge and with a running start, you run and jump and hold on for dear life!

Cam--was not always so great at the hanging on for dear life part. Just kidding. He was pretty good.

Dylan was pretty good though! ^-^

Ben was really good at it too! (The Washington Tylers have a rope swing in their backyard so they were more experienced than Cam.)

There's that tree I mentioned earlier. I think I got the best swings since I weigh significantly more than the boys do. And I was able to swing myself around in a circle so I could (sometimes) avoid hitting the tree.

Torture at the Tyler's!!

You would not believe the things mothers do to their daughters!!

The *Culprit:

*highly suspected

The Weapon:

Actual Eye Drops used may vary.

The Wielder of the Weapon:

picture taken May 2007

"Could this lovely, sweet woman really be a perpetrator in this violent crime?" you ask. Yes. She can!!

The Victim of Circumstance:

She made me. She made me! All I had to say was, "my eyeballs were just itching." and that was the end of that. Never again. I will keep my itchiness to myself!

I complained and carried on. I told her not to. I tried to run away. I told her I was fine and I didn't need eyedrops. But she insisted I have them.

She made me sit down in that chair and the dirty deed was done in 30 seconds. But the whole time, and for several minutes afterward, I was pathetically laughing and crying. (why I was laughing, I do not know--but perhaps it was because I was remembering a similar, more extreme tantrum I had over eyedrops about ten years ago. Aunt Colleen probably remembers. I''m sorry!)

The thing about eyedrops (and anything and everything else having to do with the eyes...) is that I have a sort of sympathetic reflex that kicks in and my eyes tear up-- which is why I'll never be an eye-surgeon.

Happy Allergy Season!

Cam's First Zit

No pictures to protect the innocent.

Little bro is growing up!!!!! :'(

He is discovering the wonderful world of having a first zit. Today, he said funny things like:

• "Ahh!! What is it?" (initial reaction)
• "I hate this!!!" (after it hurt because he was poking it.)

and

• "When will it go away?!"

We told him that it will probably take a few days for it to go away and he needs to start washing his face. I told him not to touch it. Did he listen to me? Not really. Did he listen to Dad when Dad said not to touch it? Yep. What is up with that? (You'd think he'd listen to an expert. Maybe it's a man thing.. Who knows?)

The talent show approaches!! We practiced our singing for the old folks at Hundred Palms and it went really well. Looking forward to Friday!!!