Friday, May 25, 2012

Adventures with Stew the Stye

So I had an "unnoticeable" zit on my eyelid. The reason why I say "unnoticeable" in quotations like so, is because, to me, it is this blaring red angry thing on my eyelid that apparently no one notices! I told Christian about it and he said, "really? I didn't notice." =O Anyways, I found out this zit thing has a name; it's called a "stye." But I also gave it its own little name. You might even call it a persona!

His name is Stew. Stew the Stye. No, I did not pick the name Stew simply because of the alliteration involved (although that heavily factored in.). But for some reason it reminded me of the dad on Nickelodeon's Rugrats.

I've been trying to get rid of Stew. Needless to say (as getting rid of any normal zit much less a zit with a weird name in an even weirder place.), it has been slow going. Mom kept telling me to use hot compresses to draw the puss out. So I was doing that as best as I could.

We went to the doctor earlier this week (for other reasons; we just had him look at it.) and he decided it needed to be popped with a sterile needle. He was even nice enough to do it for me(!) It hurt SO BADLY!!!! I cannot express to you the pain of it. There are only two things I can say about it.

1. It hurt so bad, my eye was twitching and I was afraid he would accidentally poke my eyeball.

2. It hurt so bad and I was so traumatized by the aforementioned fear that I never want Stew or any of his little cousin friends to come back again.

AND, after he poked it with his needle, we still had to squeeze it and apply pressure to get the puss out! I wrote a mini rap about it. It goes like this:

I'm a stye in your eye,
And I make you wanna cry,
And the pain is insane,
I can't take this anymore,
I gotta get this zit out the door,
Gotta make it go away,
and if the zit could talk, 
I know what it would say,
"I'm a stye in your eye..."

At this point, the rap would fade out into nothingness and the rap would end. And I am aware of the fact that I am a terrible rapper, but what can I say? I'm a Christian white girl and I was having fun with it. (Until I started thinking in "rap mode," that is.)

THEN, this morning, I woke up and Stew was practically gone! It was like magic! Except it wasn't magic because I actually found a trick on the internet! (This is the part where you should be scared.) Here's the trick: you take a bandaid and you put the adhesive part on the pimple and leave it on for a long time. (Yes, I put a bandaid on my eyelid--I kept it on overnight.) When you peel it up, it's supposed to get the puss out or open it up or something- I don't know the science behind it.

So I peeled off the bandaid this morning and it hurt SO much! But it worked! Stew the Stye looks much much smaller!

The crazy things I do... But at least now you know, that it's really true that bandaids make everything better. (An old standby of mine that totally has a new meaning!)

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